Saturday, December 22, 2007

Can the Circle be unbroken?

My mom died 5 years ago today.
The picture above I took first thing
when I woke up the morning after.


My mom died today.
She had a stroke on the 16th while bowling. I'm fine.
Spent a week with her at Sacred Heart Hospital in
Spokane. The staff there was outstanding.
She never really came out of the stroke and
gradually slipped into a coma. Had she "lived"
she would have needed 24hr care and that was
not what she would have wanted. Thank God she
had the fore sight to have a living will although we
all knew what she wanted because she was never
shy about talking about death and perhaps that's
why her passing doesn't upset me as much as
it would other people who lose their Mom.
I'm comfortable with death.
Or so I say now. Like Bill Saroyan I always figured an exception
would be made in my case. This life is school for the next.
She was very active for a 65year old even tho she was 80. You'd never have guessed it. Learned to drive a tractor at the inn at Priest Lake (which she owned) last summer and my brother said she was was delighted by that. She loved to garden and was fantastic at it. She was a neat person. Tough and would hold a grudge to the next world. But she was my Mom and she loved me in spite of my failures and picked me out to be her kid which she didnt have to do (i'm adopted). I'm glad I got a chance to apologize to her years ago for all the hell I raised and the heartache I caused her and my dad. The fucked part of it all..her dying...was waiting for her body to stop. No one want's to pray for their mom to die but I know she was gone 2days after I got to Spokane. it's the kindest thing you can do to give someone permission to pass on. I do believe in a afterlife and I do believe she's driving tractor in God's garden and taking care of the african violets. and I know she'll be there to meet me when it's my turn.

An interesting thing happened the night of the 23rd.
I had a bad headache and went to bed early. I couldn't sleep.
I tossed and turned and a song kept going thru my head over and over:


Words and music: A.P.Carter

Will the Circle be Unbroken

I was (C) standing by my (C7) window on a (F) cold and cloudy (C) day,
When I saw the hearse come rolling for to carry my (G) mother away. (C)
Will the (C) circle be unbroken (C7) by and (F) by Lord by and (C) by.
There's a better home awaiting in the sky Lord (G7) in the (C) sky.
I said to the undertaker, "Undertaker please drive slow."
For the party you are hauling, Lord I hate to see her go."
Oh, I followed close behind her, tried to hold up and be brave,
But I could not hide my sorrow when they laid her in her grave.
I went back home, my home was lonesome, missed my mother she was gone.
All my brothers and sisters crying in our home so sad and alone.
We sang the songs of childhood, hymns of faith that made us strong,
Ones that our mother had taught us, hear the angels sing along
My brother called me that night and woke me to say that
my mom had passed on and that it was over.

Thanks Mom for being my Mom.
I love you and I miss you.
This is also dedicated to my birth mother Elaine who
passed when I was ten years old. We never met but I love you.

Carter Family- Can the Circle Be Unbroken? MP3

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